Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Post it Note Tuesday Sept 13


call it a "fringe benefit"  This is coming from a recent body mod addition HAHAHA
So, I got a tattoo on my "road map of a belly" I have 5 kids, including twins.  Twins caused an umbilical hernia that was repaired a few years ago.  I'm on a reclaiming mission of sorts.  See, I don't mind some things.  My body has allowed me to have 5 kids, including twins with 0 c-sections, all had good weights
7# 14 oz
6# 15 oz
6# 8 oz and 6# 9 oz (twabies)
7# 8oz
a few stretch marks is a small price to pay for no NICU time, and 5 healthy babies!  I know how lucky I am!  BUT that didn't mean I LIKED the after effects! okay?  We have been on a journey through times of me crying over my stomach that once was.  I didn't have medical insurance at the time of the hernia at the worst, so I didn't see HOW it would be fixed.  I was able to live with it for a few years, until the pain started.  I could not go grocery shopping without being sore the next day, from the weight of the cart.  So, I finally went in to the local low cost clinic, and the doctor got me set up with a program that did surgeries for people who needed help.  There was just a waiting period.  The wait was not too long either I was very surprised.
My surgeon got a stethoscope cover and a rice bag that I knit/crocheted/made (I had to sew the inner rice bag) for him as a THANK YOU gift.  That was the step one in this process.  Step 2 I think came with getting on some thyroid meds, I've lost a little weight that was not going anywhere no matter how active I was. step two is a really minor step though as it really doesn't bug me too much except specific areas *ahem "tummy mustache" (aka "twin skin" that is not going anywhere with out another surgery, and it isn't THAT bad that I feel like I need that)
And you may have noticed that some quotes have come from "The Body Sacred" by Dianne Sylvan, and I've been reading that book along with a few others at a lovely snail pace.  (or maybe a slug pace?)
Anyway last week I got a call from a friend saying he was hosting a tattoo party,  And I had been joking for a few years about how "I needed a compass rose around the belly button to match the road map" part humor, and part making a pretty out of something I've had a terrible relationship over the past few years.
Odd things happened.
1.  I don't know if I was projecting or what, but I could feel the LOVE that was going into the tattoo as it was being made.  Does it matter if it was all ME thinking that way?  NOPE no one bit!
2.  Now I am forced to care in a way that still didn't quite happen after the surgery (it was laparoscopic, so minimal scars) Now I'm gently washing and lovingly applying lotion.  This is an area that I've largely tried to pretend did not exist for the past 10-15 years.
3.  It was a big DEEP breath in order to show the doctor and surgeon when I was trying to get a medical procedure done.  It was a big deep breath to show the tattoo artist too, but of course getting a tattoo.... no one walks by going "nah I don't want to see!"  THEY WANT TO SEE.  You know what?  Nobody was critical.  Well, save for a friend who was critical of a line (that was done the way it was on purpose, and I don't think she realized that)  So, basically with my joke of "if you see my stomach, you may as well see me naked"  I'm game for some skyclad rituals (only half kidding) It has been a bit conflicting!  I want to show it off, and not at the same time!
4.  I'm still not ready to share on public forums or anything (sorry)  but I'm slowly contacting people who I think will appreciate it.  I was a teen who could not GAIN weight but grew up around a family with BBW's so I was very big into the body acceptance, but I know it isn't easy either! (If the men I knew had issues I was not privy to them)
5.  Getting ink didn't turn my tummy into a Victoria's Secret model, BUT it is an improvement in my mind.  AND I did it FOR ME so who the fuck cares what others think, or "what it will look like when you are 80?"  (it will look badass BTW)  This is one I sort of struggled with prior to getting the tattoo, because stomach's are the most likely to change.  Fact is I'll have other things to worry about and had too many years under my belt to care at 80.  

SO in conclusion
If you hate your toes, give yourself a pedicure.
If you hate your skin, get some fancy lotion and slather it on with LOVE.
If you hate your hair, look up some tips on your type and DO SOMETHING new to it.
acne?  Start a new skin care routine.
Do your makeup (only if you can do it with LOVE though, if you are only doing it to hide the "flaws" start with CARE)
if you loved to dance but stopped because you didn't fit the mold.... DANCE IT OUT!

you get the idea.
Some things are easier to ignore than others.  I could/can hide my stomach pretty easily, but a port wine stain may be harder.  Everyone is in a different place at the start.
I find it funny that I didn't apply this thinking earlier, since one of the things that are in Marie Kondo's books is the idea that if an item DOESN'T bring you joy, you lavish it with praise.  It is all about changing your mind set. Why should that NOT apply to the skin you are in?
I'll close with another item that could be a post it note, or five:

"Blessed be thy feet, that have brought thee in these ways
Blessed be thy knees, that shall kneel at the sacred altar.
Blessed be thy [womb/phallus], without which we would not be
Blessed be thy breasts, formed in [beauty/strength]
Blessed be thy lips, that shall utter the Sacred Names."

4 comments:

  1. I think your tattoo sounds awesome and I love the backstory behind it. In general, this is something I need to put into practice but have had a hard time doing. Thanks for posting this! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent! I enjoyed reading this. Loving myself is a challenge right now. I just got out of mental hospital and new med makes me lactate, made me gain an extra 15 lbs.

    Been bleeding twice as much too. Dang you Risperidone!

    My self love will include finding a more suitable med. Extra bleeding and lactations are unacceptable trades for a med that's made minimal improvements methinks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YIKES! The road to proper meds can be an interesting journey, as it often seems like the patient gets to be a guinea pig. To add insult to injury there is often a period of 4-6 weeks before you REALLY know how it will act with you. Sounds like you have the right plan, no one should have to deal with nasty side effects for minimal benefit. Minimal side effects for a decent benefit, yes, but, we all have our limits.
      Don't give up! Good luck!

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete